honesty ponesty

You know what I don't understand?  I don't understand why people are so uptight about everyone being honest and saying exactly what they feel about things but when you say something completely honest and it regards them or a friend, they freak out.  They think you're being mean, rude, crazy.  Well hello, you're the crazy one, amigo! You're the ones who keep complaining that people don't just say it like it is or with complete honesty.  Like, its so hypocritical.  If you're going to tell someone to be honest, then let them be honest about whatever the hell they want because honesty is honesty no matter if its mean or kind or funny or sad.  Its all honesty.  And honestly, what is life without honesty?  A bunch of lies. And lies are stupid.  White lies, yeah whatever, those are easy to get over, but like legit lying.   No.  Stop.  Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Okay, end rant.

I am so thankful that in a month I'll be done with all this craziness.

Can I get an amen, hallelujah to that?!

second-thoughts

I'm having second thoughts about my trip to Europe.
Like, I really want to go and have this wonderful experience seeing new things and being with people I love in a place that I've dreamed about going my entire life, but like, there are so many things I want to do here.  Even though I have like no friends here anymore, I want to stay here and be with people before I move across the country for four years, but like I said, I barely have any friends here anymore.  Also, money.  My parents are not going to pay one cent of my trip and I only have $1000 or so, so like I don't have the funds and I'm just in the mood to give up on it because I give up on everything in my life.  I never follow through with my plans, and partially I think it's because I hate it here.  I have no motivation.  But on the other hand, going to Europe would be my chance to get out of here.  SO MANY CONFLICTIONS.  I'm not quite sure what I am going to do....

relevance

So you know when there's that one song that seems to be really relevant to your life?  Yeah, well right now I have a bunch.  Here's a list:

• Breakaway- Kelly Clarkson
• Independence- The Band Perry
• I Can't Be Tamed- Miley Cyrus
• Wide Open Spaces- The Dixie Chicks
• A Place in this World- Taylor Swift

Weird list right?  Let me explain.

Breakaway is about a girl who feels so discontent with her life and just wants to get away from everything.  She knows that her life is good but she knows there's so much more out there for her and she has to take a risk to discover what she feels she's being held back from.  I know it sounds so incredibly lame but I kind of feel the same.  Like I know I've been blessed with an amazing life, but I feel like there's so much more potential out there for me in the world and I'm just being held back.  I want to go and discover myself and get away from everything and everyone holding me back.  The song also kind of resonates with the whole leaving home after graduating high school thing.  I also just really like the song.

Independence has to be one of my favorite songs at the moment.  Its one of the Band Perry's songs that isn't really well known, but I think it's their best-- especially the Oceanway Studios version.  The song is about the anticipation of waiting for independence, and that for me is graduating high school, going to Europe, and then going to college on the other side of the country.  Its about needing to feel free, which I really crave.  I'd have to say my favorite lyric is: Some say I'm crazy, a little loco but most of my friends will live and die in this zip code.  It might be for me but how am I supposed to know until i go?  My thoughts are the exact same.  How am I supposed to know what I'm supposed to do with my life until I just go out there and go?  And of course, people look at me like I'm crazy for just wanting to go without plans or whatever, but isn't that all apart of learning to be independent?  

Can't Be Tamed is by far the weirdest most out of place song on this list, but I have a really odd connection to it right now.  I've given up on guys for right now because like Miley says: I go through guys like money flyin' out the hands, they try to change me but they realize they can't and every tomorrow is a day I never plan if you gonna be my man understand I can't be tamed.  I'm done with guys, or anyone else for that matter, trying to change me and telling me what's best for me.  I can worry about me and do my own thing.  Like she says: I wanna fly, I wanna drive, I wanna go.  I wanna be a part of something I don't know and if you try to hold me back, I might explode.  Baby, by now you should know I can't be tamed.  I can't be tamed.  I'm going to be Caroline and that's that.  

Wide Open Spaces is so so beautiful and I could listen to it on repeat for days.  Like the Dixie Chicks got it spot on, the opening lyrics are pure perfection.  The song is basically about needing new places and faces and just a breath of fresh air which are basically all things I need.  I just need new.  The song is just about the journey of needing newness.  I just need newness, and like the Dixie Chicks, I know the highest stakes of just going out and finding that newness.  But I'm okay with that.

A Place in this World by Taylor Swift.  An oldie but a goody.  I don't know what I want so don't ask me, 'Cause I'm still trying to figure it out.  I don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking.  <<Lyrics that describe my wonderful teenage emotions perfectly.  While everyone else in my entire world is out there planning every last waking minute of their lives, I'm just walking.  I honestly have no intentions of planning one bit of what happens in 2012, which is scary but kinda just how it is.  I'll be strong, I'll be wrong oh but life goes on.  Yep.

So to basically we all have songs that feel like they were written to us.  Some, like me, have a lot.  After writing all this down, it seems like I have this weird obsession with being independent and free and the future.  All things that have been on my mind lately, so I should've seen it coming.  Anyways, these are just my thoughts.